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The Best Christmas Gift for the Bloviating Liberal in Your Family: A Reality Check

AMAC Exclusive – By Cal Palmer

Christmas-gift

As families gather to celebrate Christmas, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. But it’s also when your son-in-law, who works from home in his pajamas, lectures you about the white privilege of your penniless, immigrant grandfather who was happy to find work salting sidewalks in Cleveland without gloves to warm his nine and half fingers.

In these moments, it can be difficult to remember that justifiable homicide is not the reason for the season. And doing an impression of Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate by grabbing the nearest cross and swinging it at the future father of your grandchildren is a last resort only.

Of course, when articles at liberal outlets like Salon about how to deal with conservative family members at Christmas begin with, “Happy holidays, fellow soldiers in the War on Christmas,” it can be hard not to start muttering the lyrics of “Onward Christian soldiers” under your breath in return.

Instruction manuals for the liberal faithful about how to deal with “unenlightened” family members at the holidays have become commonplace since Democrats first issued followers “talking points” on Obamacare with which to bludgeon relatives nearly a decade ago.

Typically, conservative outlets have not offered similar resources for those Americans who still believe in what used to be known as America—but perhaps it is time for that to change. After all, fueled by a little too much eggnog, any holiday conversation can quickly get political and heated. Debates about the glaze on Uncle Joe’s ham can quickly become debates about the glaze in Sleepy Joe Biden’s eyes.

So with this year’s Christmas battleground just a few days away, it’s smart to have a few tricks up your sleeve. In fact, a little reality check may be the best gift you can possibly give the bloviating liberal in your life this holiday season.

“Ho, ho, ho,” indeed.

Start by trying to get everyone else in the family laughing at the humorless left-wing scold. When a hopeless lefty at your table starts prattling on about how all Republicans are “insurrectionists” who “literally tried to overthrow the United States government,” tell the liberal that he has convinced you: you have seen the light; you acknowledge the error of your ways. But then, insist the discussion can go no further until everyone in the family has proclaimed their designated pronouns.

The wokesters can choose whatever gender identity they want—apparently, “ze” and “zir” are popular with them—but as for you, choose to be addressed for the rest of the evening as “guy who is right about everything” or “Your Radiance.”

But such misdirection won’t cut it in every situation. There’s a good chance you’re going to have to take the weak arguments of your liberal family members head-on—the poor little things.

If you want to come in “guns blazing,” so to speak, here are a few explosive “stocking stuffers” to take with you to the dinner table.

Are the strident young socialists in your family bitterly complaining about the spectacular implosion of Joe Biden’s massive wealth redistribution plan, “Build Back Better”— cursing West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin? Well, tell your young relatives that in honor of their noble commitment to “equity” and “social justice,” you will be redistributing their Christmas presents to people who really deserve them: namely, all of the “kids” Joe Biden is keeping “locked in cages” at the southern border. This year, there have been more of them than ever before!

Is your quadruple-vaccinated 24-year-old niece upset that she has to quintuple-mask because she heard that her bank teller wasn’t vaccinated? Tell her that you have become a firm believer in the most sacred principle of radical feminism: “My body, my choice!”

Does this glib remark trigger the proud “male feminist” in your family to begin huffing and puffing about Mississippi’s abortion law now being considered by the Supreme Court? Make his leftist head spin by telling him that you believe America’s abortion laws should be exactly as liberal as those of his favorite European utopia—for instance, France or Germany, with their bans on abortion after 12 weeks. (After all, 47 out of 50 European countries limit abortion to 15 weeks or less, same as the Mississippi law.)

You may find that the liberals in your life inhabit such comfortable cultural cocoons that they are accustomed to spouting their most ridiculous ideas completely unopposed. Do not be alarmed if they have a wildly disproportionate reaction when you speak up and say that no, Cousin Chad, Jesus was not a refugee, abortion is not “healthcare,” trans women are not women, Build Back Better does not cost “zero dollars,” Santa Clause is not a racist symbol, Donald Trump is not a Russian agent, Hunter Biden’s artwork is not “critically acclaimed,” and Kamala Harris is not cool just because you are wearing her face on your ugly Christmas sweater.

Unfortunately, dear reader, you are likely going to find out sooner or later that liberal pieties such as “Everyone is Welcome Here” and “Kindness Is Everything”— proudly displayed on your relatives’ platitudinous lawn signs— do not apply to YOU.

The good news is that a quick one-liner can leave a misguided leftist sputtering and dumbfounded. Did your sister-in-law just regurgitate the latest Rachel Maddow hot-take about income inequality? Tell her there is no reason to fret – thanks to rising inflation, the wealth of the top 1% of Americans are worth less and less each day. Thanks, Joe Biden!

But above all else, don’t underestimate the power of putting Christmas—rather than politics—front and center.

It may not fill buckets with liberal tears, but the story and message of Christmas provides a timeless illustration of conservative values.

On its own, Christmas reaffirms grace and faith, the importance of gratitude, the dignity of every human life, the unchanging nature of mankind, the need for context in time and place, and the power of strong families.

There will be opportunities for liberal tears in the future—like future inauguration days. But a dark church slowly coming to a light glow, candle-by-candle, heart-to-heart can bring tears to all eyes and some balm to a divided nation.  

Savoring Christmas and guiding all conversations in that direction are the gifts of wise men indeed.

Cal Palmer is the pen name of an analyst and fellow at a national think tank. He is an attorney and officer in the US Army Reserve.


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Chip
3 months ago

OK, I just joined and it’s February. I decided to go back through your archives, and start reading forward from my birthday, December 21. I like the pronoun thing. Nothing cracks me up more than seeing some liberal post their name on Twitter and then their pronouns. “Your Radiance.” I love it. I wonder if I could add one: “You know, I guess your are entitled to your self-righteous opinion, and I guess the best way to address you for the rest of the evening is, “Your Brilliance,” or better yet, “Your Assholiness.” Could “Your Dumbassiness” be worked into the equation somewhere too? The holidays are over, but Easter is coming up, and before that Lent. I can’t wait to hear what they have to say about Lent.

Kathy RENFROE Seymour TN
4 months ago

Thank you for the wonderful sweet funny entertaining and thoughtful article on liberal relative. Bless their hearts! We thoroughly enjoyed reading and smiling through your words. Merry Christmas

HocasPocas
4 months ago

Thanks for the humorous article. Gave me a few come backs for every day contact with these out of touch with reality people.

Anne
4 months ago

Thought of you.

John Radmacher
4 months ago

Too many people in this country have been functionally brain washed into believing they will be better off if someone else takes car of them. That is a foundational level of consciousness perpeturated by universities, every teachers union I’ve ever heard of and of course the purchased media. University students are educated to be good employees and follow instructions. I only hope there are states in this previously United States that have enough sane people to take the existing control freaks in our federal government and get rid of them. If You who are reading this, don’t understand that this country could loose its Democracy and turn into a China or a Russia then you are functionally brainwashed and most certainly belong to the three groups above. So Sad for America and the Democrat followers who refuse to look at history and don’t understand that poverty and continued restrictions to freedom is their end game! PLEASE WAKE UP FROM BEING WOKED! john

Ed Otto
4 months ago

Thought you might like this

Mario Capparuccini
4 months ago

Great article! Enjoyed the humor and good advice.

BAE
4 months ago

Good idea. Wait till those young liberals have money they earned. They won’t give anyone anything. All talk and nonsense.

Joe from Las Vegas Nevada
4 months ago

I have already changed my Last Will and Testament. All my Assets have been “deemed” Conservative, and there are no Liberal Funds to distribute after my death. The remainder of my 401K, and property, will be divided amongst several Non Profit organizations that are Non Partisan or Conservative in Charter. If I am not willing to pay off my Nieces and Nephew’s Student Loans while alive, I sure as hell am not willing to give them any money I worked hard for, so they can have the latest I Phone.

oren
4 months ago

Everything I own will be going to the local animal shelter.

Sed
4 months ago

Amen to that!

MariaRose
4 months ago

Have to agree with this thinking of not leaving any money assets. Whatever I buy is for my enjoyment and I will direct by written will how any of my possessions will be dealt with without throwing the goods away. If they don’t want it, they will have to donate it to a designated place of my choice. I am not leaving them any money. I worked too hard to pass it on the cash.

LG BOYLE
4 months ago

In the “WAR ON CHRISTMAS”, I am on the side of CHRISTMAS. May GOD Bless us ALL in this most glorious CHRISTMAS season. Amen.

ramona gillespie
4 months ago

This is GREAT! Thanks

Jeb_sc
4 months ago

Simply uninvite them, it is ok to do. Why force others to put up with the nonsense? Answer: you don’t have to unless you chose to. Don’t be afraid to tell them why.

DJames
4 months ago

Truly a heart warming article about sharing brotherly love with post modern infidels !

Haywood
4 months ago

Perfect!!!!!

Martiemae
4 months ago

Beautiful

Roger
4 months ago

Give all your liberal friends and family, the gift of a pair of slave labor produced Nike tennis shoes or even a box of paper straws and a picture of their favorite politicians, The Squad

ramona gillespie
4 months ago
Reply to  Roger

Love it!

Drue
4 months ago

What a wonderful topic for Christmas. Great ideas.

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