A leaker works in Biden’s White House, with unknown power and access. He seems able to secure secret documents, and has done it again. Just when we need it, we have a patriot inside. An intermediary was handed a second “secret memo” in a dark DC garage. Viola! Deep Goat.
Key points from the super-secret memo are below. “Deep Goat” apparently found it balled up, hidden in a cardboard egg carton, deep in the White House kitchen. Given the price of eggs, that makes sense. In any event, here we go.
“We are two years in. ‘The Big Guy’ needs us, as wheels are coming off, and I don’t mean the Corvette. Boxes are bad enough, but it may get worse. They did not look in the trunk. ‘The Little Guy’ lost the keys, and we have 10 pounds – he calls it 11 kilos – of documents in there. Watch that car.
Okay, some planning points …
First, while Attorney General Garland will not touch the classified documents, China links, or laptop with a ten foot pole and special counsel Robert Hur is in the bag, former Rod Rosenstein guy –we cannot risk a bigger investigation.
Everybody thinks this is just ‘mishandling,’ since we inoculated ourselves with the Trump raid, and even made Boy Scout Pence dig around and find “classified documents,” but we know the truth. As Obama said, ‘Don’t underestimate Joe’s ability to f—things up.’ And his son, The Little Guy, is even worse – cannot keep anything zipped, including his mouth.
Second, we are dodging bullets. Luckily, no one has looked behind the Little Guy’s canvases, where we put the documents for Big Rocket Man, who is now antsy and wants more for not taking Taiwan. Those recent fighter incursions? That’s not for Taiwan – that’s for our Big Guy.
Third, let’s get some new distractions, shall we? That is what we are hired for. Cannot keep dumping on ‘White House Counsel.’ Policy must get the light, or they will call our “wealth creation” scheme … corruption. We have used up COVID and no one is buying bird or monkey flu. We need some new ideas.
Fourth, on the policy side, we need to stoke the base. Old stuff is wearing thin, like those aviator glasses. The Big Guy leaves them everywhere, and most Americans do not think he ever flew a plane. Corvette helped, but not enough…
Fifth, Kamy did a great job reimagining the Declaration of Independence on MLK Day, omitting “life” and “Our Creator,” saying it was just “liberty,” “happiness,” and “government.” Next time the Big Guy talks, omit the 2nd, 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendments, rights to keep and bear arms, be safe in papers and houses, due process, equal protection, and fair trial. Let’s just promise to enforce the 3rd Amendment, the one saying British troops cannot be housed in our homes. We got that one.
Sixth, let’s change the American flag’s colors. This is easy. Red triggers our people, it ‘does emotional violence’ like those MAGA hats. Blue looks like a defense of the ‘thin blue line,’ law enforcement. And white stripes and stars? Are you kidding? Let’s go green and black, rainbow stars.
Seventh, for open borders, let’s reissue US maps with no dotted line at the bottom. Simple, and makes the border harder to find. Plus, we can give blue states federal mapmaking grants.
Eighth, let’s rile up the crowd that “cling to their guns and bibles.” We will change “Before Christ” (BC) and “Anno Domini” (AD, meaning “in the year of our Lord”) to “Before Corvettes” and “After Dinosaurs.” We will outsmart all those dumb fact checkers, since Corvettes did come later, and dinosaurs were earlier (I think).
Ninth, we can make points with Iran and China – stick it to Saudi Arabia, who won’t give us oil or answer your calls. Let’s rename the Arabian Gulf the Iranian Gulf and the Indian Ocean the China Ocean. China will love it – teaches India a lesson.
Tenth, we save a kiloton of money – more or less what we spent last year – if we give up nuclear weapons. They contribute to climate change. Just one nuke would bang C02 levels like a carnival bell, and make African farmers poorer. We could then ask China to follow us, use the money saved for solar powered scooters. It’s a no brainer, especially as we ban cars.
Last, we should give his Excellency Fauci the Presidential Medal of Freedom for becoming “science” – and do it the same day President Xi awards him their Gold Sickle for dignified deception. We could also throw in the legalization of fentanyl, making China happy, improving relations with Mexico, and it goes with erasing the dotted line.
Okay, that’s it. Keep these documents secret. Either eat it or put it in the egg container. No one looks there. But be careful – someone named Deep Goat is onto us. Just a rumor.
Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.
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Funny how they had time to remove Sensitive Highly Classified Documents at his Beach house before FBI search.
Biden can’t even follow a script. It is the bureaucracy, Obama’s senior bureaucrats, who now manage the country with oligarchs richly rewarded for becoming propaganda agents. Biden’s fellow travelers admire the way Xi and Putin gain in both wealth and power, by controlling the media. After crazy Trump defeated Crooked Hillary, the Oligarchs and the bureaucrats decided free speech was far too dangerous to allow. In the past we simply let the feeble embarrass themselves. These bureaucrats and oligarchs are terrified that Democrats and bureaucrats might no longer be able to avoid criminal investigations. In their minds their very survival is at stake. God help us.
Appears that Washington has a real bad problem with Classified Docs. It may sound like a easy solution: But why not make people sign out these docs (like a library card) & so if they are not returned, then they would know who checked them out last.
Good to see a well-written, entertaining article that lays out the situation we’re in now. Keeping these heavy topics light takes skill. Thanks!
RBC, thanks again, for great and comical article. As always, the Leftist will not touch anything derogatory with a ten foot pole until it is time to hang someone who will become a patsy.
I guess there needs to be a big red “This is a Joke” sign at the top for some of our members. I was amused through the whole read. Lighten up, people! The rest of the comments are just from lib trolls trying to get a rise out of AMAC members.
Something needs to be done what is wrong with these people where are there brains they all think they are above the law time if it was a voter in this country we would be in prison they would see to that time to make laws nothing leaves the room when they are done. This is just a start I bet there are more docs out there with other presidents and who knows who else at this point.
What a waste of space!
Congress needs to make some rules on how Classified Docs are handled & evidently how they are declassified cuz it is scary that Trump says he can declassify just by thinking that. And then, there is Mike Pence who will forever be linked with Biden & Trump as have classified docs at his personal home. Two of these three are really buffoons when they did not take the MarLago raid as a warning on how to handle Classified Docs.
The COWARDLY TREASONOUS DOJ won’t turn over documents to House Intelligence Committee Jim Jordan. DOJ covering up for DICTATOR Beijing biden.
When DOJ investigating PRESIDENT TRUMP illegally with their WITCH HUNT they had no problem giving out information to FASCIST liberals and FAKE news immediately.
Guess DOJ is doing what HILLDOG clinton did ILLEGALLY…DELETE and BLEACH and SMASH GOVERNMENT PHONES with Hammer Destroying Government Property which is a FELONY for EACH ACTION to Destroy Evidence.
But why worry when you Weaponize the DOJ to protect your sorry ass and Communist party.
Nothing is going to happen that isn’t already planned. Pop pop go sleepy time without any charges.
Theater pay no attention.
Ask why DICTATOR Beijing biden is SELLING our U.S. Military Academies to Communist China.
More docs were found after Biden’s colonoscopy
RBC – I appreciate your wit. Nicely done here, sir.
Thank you Kevin, and others who – like me- may think parody sometimes trumps another gloom-and-doom piece. Even in combat, including moral as well as mortal combat, black humor has a place… I think.
Quit talking in riddles on this crap! We want the Truth as the News not a sarcastic glib article just to tickle the CNN buttons. Keep it straight!
Time to act not yak
FYI Biden’s Corvette is a Stingray. No Corvette Stingrays which were built from 1963 to 67 have a trunk so there cannot be a key lost by the Little Guy to unlock it. The fuel tank occupied the majority of the space. Storage space was in front of the fuel tank area and behind the seats and accessed by opening the door. Coupes storage space is under the rear glass and on convertibles that space was reduced due to it being the place where the folded top was stored. This is easily verified so whoever leaked this is” taking someone for a ride”.
Thanks for the Corvette lesson.
Hmmm, maybe we check out that fuel tank and front space, good call!